itch.io

Not too bad. 

Some very rushed moments and strange actions that partially can be explained by whatever translation mechanism was used. 

Mostly I liked the MC and his sister, although if she's supposed to be stuttering the whole time, you can't tell except when the bullies are parroting how she's apparently supposed to sound.

I also liked that none of the women were unnaturally large. Even the largest felt reasonable, and the rest were actually quite nicely "normal" compared to most AVNs. 

The women working at this hotel are very strange. You can't avoid the interaction with the diving instructor, which is fine, but why allow avoiding the manager then? Still, I'm glad you can avoid her ... she's kinda awful. I wonder if she actually doesn't like their father.

Maeve is interesting too. The fact that she doesn't even have private thoughts about MC after catching him fucking the air (and not staying long enough to see floating cum) even at home while talking to him on the phone seems like either that was already forgotten when the rest of her scenes were written or she's not supposed to realize it was still him in the room when she came back? Which is also weird.

Anyway, I'll check out chapter 2, but the game needs either a better translator or someone to review all the English translation and make adjustments. But it also could use some  work on the pacing and some continuity control. I do like that Maeve's dad is the cop that found Andrea ... it's a nice binding thread. Still, if Sadie and the diving instructor are more indicative of the way the story is going to go, not sure how much more I'll play. We'll see.

Female domination and foot fetish shouldn't be future tags, since they're in this release. They do seem to be avoidable, so I'd list that too.

Hmm ... never mind. Not avoidable.

Typos/Grammar suggestions

All of my suggestions are based on the idea that you want the English translation to place the game in an English-speaking environment.

First line: In English, you wouldn't repeat "morning", so it would just say "Good morning, the fog is quite thick."

Also, the person with Jason is being called a Prosecutor -- It's probably supposed to be "Investigator" or "Detective"? A police investigator/detective is the title of someone put in charge of a crime scene and who leads the people figuring out who did a crime. A prosecutor is the lawyer that works with the government to bring the case in front of the judge and wouldn't show up at the scene of a crime that just happened ... they wouldn't even know about the incident until there's a suspect.

Prosecutor: Sounds kinda crazy, right?, doesn't it? -- Either ", right?" or ", doesn't it?", but not both.

Jason: This road is way out in the sticks. If she hadn't been found any later, it would've been too late. -- Either "she'd" or "she had"

Just a note: No transition for the time jump. It is obvious, so it's a choice if you want to leave it like that, but it's a bit jarring.

Customer: My dad is the government congressman, I'll ... -- Most assholes bragging/scamming would say "local congressman" or "state congressman" or "your congressman" or something more specific. (Unless he's supposed to be stupid, then it sounds like he's lying, which is fine.)

Andrea: I can't even comunicate properly, how should I deal with customers like this. -- First, spelling: "communicate". Second, she clearly has learned to communicate reasonably well, so a more appropriate line might be "I struggle to communicate properly, how could I deal with customers like this?" (also, it needs a question mark at the end)

(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): And you're saying that they steal it? -- She's pretty mad. A more appropriate line would be "And you're accusing them of stealing it?"

(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Is this how your Congressman Dad teaching you? -- "Is this how your Congressman Dad is teaching you how to behave?" (I'm making this suggestion and future grammar suggestions because Sadie seems like someone who would be good at dealing with the public)

(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Ah, the young slav... labor! -- I feel like if she caught herself enough to not say "slave" she wouldn't say "labor", so maybe "Ah, the young slav... new hires!" OR, since she knows their dad "Ah, the young slav... siblings!"

MC: We had a video call ... ... we moved to the city area and were taken care of by Aunt Su. -- No need for the word "area", so just "we moved to the city and were taken care of by Aunt Su."

Sadie: Hm, I see. ... ... It's better if he don't run into me.. -- "It's better if he doesn't run into me." (or ... never just ..)

Sadie: Hm..You're a good kid. -- It should always be "..." (I won't mention this again, a simple find/replace for ".." should do the trick)

MC: "Not really, although we've been here a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much." -- I recommend "Not really, only a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much."

---

Okay, at this point I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the game and recommend you find someone to properly proofread the translation. It's a lot of context stuff that clearly didn't go through whatever program you used well, but none of it's indecipherable, and I want to see if I actually like it before doing any more.

---

I reached a point where some bullies say that Andrea is stuttering, but there's nothing in her text that shows that, so if she's supposed to be stuttering all along, that needs to show up in the text with some clues.

For instance, the line: 
   "Oh... I'm sorry. Are the seats assigned?"
should look like
   "Oh... I'm s-sorry. A-a-are the s-seats a-a-ass-ssigned?"
... or something like that. There's no indication in any of Andrea's text that she's having any speaking issues, other than the early comment that her voice sounds a bit rough and deep.

What's even weirder is that Bully 02 says "S-Sorry...(Imitating Andrea's voice)" ... so her not stuttering in text is even more confusing.

Alright, one more: After Molly says "The Sirens from Greek Mythology." the next two lines about Moaning Myrtle should be spoken by the MC, but the name above them is Molly.

Can't help myself: When MC meets Meave (bold girl!) he introduces himself by saying "And my name is MC, nice to meet you Meave."

Also, saying the body hasn't been found doesn't make sense. If Molly's body was found, they wouldn't look at those cases, and if her body hasn't been found, then it would be "presumed dead" rather than "passed away" -- and there would be no "uncertainty" about the cause, it would just be unknown if or how they died.

Meave also says "Nice to meet you, MC" when he leaves.

Okay, the adult women working in this hotel are kinda awful ... not evil, just awful.

Wishing them a swift recovery

So it is supposed to be Moria saying "I'm going to take you to the hospital"? Asking 'cause the image is focused on Monica and she's posed as if she's the one talking, even though the caption says it's Moria talking.

Okay, so just to clarify, you get to Wednesday morning, and other than 24-hours in the life of your siblings and mom, there's nothing else to do?

I don't know where to leave notes, so ...

First time you meet Monica and Moria (I think) on the first close up it looks like Monica (Brown hair, patterned shirt) says "I'm going to take you to the hospital" then after you respond; Moria (black hair, solid dark shirt): "Okay, I'll escort you." ... couple more lines, then Monica: "I have to come back to the gym ..." 

However, that first line by Monica is tagged as being said by Moria. 

I won't bother talking about grammar, 'cause I'm not entirely sure it's a translation issue or it's on purpose ...

Creep factor is pretty strong so far, which seems to be the point. The mystery of the MC is kinda making sense after the talk with principal. I'm intrigued.

See the "New Game" development log above ...

Do you usually start games in the middle? The game is broken up into two parts, IN part because of file size. But it's all ONE story.

How many books do you just flip to the middle and read a summary of the first half of the book, rather than reading the whole book?

Another analogy: if you're watching a TV show that you've enjoyed from the beginning, would tell a friend a summary of the series and just tell them to start watching from the middle? Do you think they'd enjoy it as much as you have, even though they won't have as much investment in the characters you've grown to like/hate/etc.?

I can't say anything about your problem with the writing. To each their own, but I didn't have a huge problem with it. The story drew me in anyway.

You have to download both the .14 and the .22 versions. Then you have to play the .14 version first. When you get to the end of that, make sure you save when it tells you, then start the .22 version. Think of 1-14 as the first half of the game and 15-22 (and to the end I think) as the second half, kept separate to keep the files manageable.

The girl at the docks

Okay, I tried to pick up where I left off 3 times. I couldn't roll-back after loading, so I got frustrated and quit once, quit again, re-downloaded the game and then got this message again. Finally I remembered I could try and ignore and then it worked, but it still happened every time from v0.2 saves.

I paid 3 to sample, then added 10 to buy chap 4, but I still can't buy the new chapter, even though it let me buy Chap. 4. ???

[EDIT: On the other hand, it let me use the link in the e-mail, so not as important a question, but still a question.]

Gratz on getting back on Steam. Purchased there, and now I have three ways to get the last chapter.

Out of curiosity, does the bundle include the special edition, or just the regular game?

So you are not releasing updates on Itch anymore then ...

I just want to say, I found this game after meeting Jaye just before she got her favorite selfie. Gave me an interesting perspective on the possibilities during the prologue. Also put me on pins and needles until we got to the boat.

Two of the best AVN stories I've every had the pleasure to enjoy. Waiting impatiently for Ch. 5.

EDIT: Figured out my stupidity (need 6 and 7)

So after what I assume is the end of chapter 4, the next scene starts with text, but "Ep5_krbarn01 Not Found" and a blank screen. Help?

And I just re-unzipped 7 and moved the files again, and fast-clicked the scenes, but no images after Ep5 found.